Who Am I?

Katie Hines

10/4/2012

Block 4

“Who Am I?” Essay

 

             Soft rain drizzling down on a horse’s back, slipping off like tiny beads of glass. A bright, golden sunset on a summer night that takes one’s breath away. The sweet smell of fresh hay and horse feed. These are things that make me who I am. I am not a person that could simply be summed up by saying that I am fifteen and attend Hoggard High School. Those are things outsiders see. They see a normal girl, with normal clothes and a normal life; the onlookers see what they wish to see. I cannot say I am any different. Often times, I look at people and simply keep going, assuming their lives are perfect. The person I want to become is the person who sees people, truly sees them. Somebody who slows down and catches each tear that falls from another’s eye. I know that I will never be a pageant queen, or the girl who “has it all”. But I can be the girl who gives it all, and every day I try to do just that…yet every day I fail.

             All of my life, I have wished that I could speak up, find my voice. I believed that my quietness was a character flaw, and sometimes, I still do. But the loud, obnoxious girl that calls out in class could never be successful around horses. Horses need calm, they need the quiet. I simply close my eyes and listen. That is my voice. That is me, standing up and crying out to the world about how special God made these animals and how they bring the best out of me. Through these beautiful creations, I have found myself. I have found my safe place. More than anything, I have found my hope.

             My sister, Emily, is everything I always wanted to be. Beautiful, blonde, and smart as a whip, she is always “miss popular”. Don’t forget her amazing musical abilities, piano and singing. It is a genetic abnormality in my family to lack an interest in music, so it came as a big surprise when I never could quite pick it up. My singing was not horrible (as in, I did not cause permanent damage to ears), but my piano playing sounded like a cat dying. I have always felt a little out of place in my family, just a bit different. My mother, the concert pianist, has fully supported my other sister who is currently majoring in violin and not missed a single concert, yet she cannot seem to care enough to come see me compete with my horses. Don’t get me wrong, this is not some sob story about how my parents do not love me, because they do. They pay for my riding lessons and I know they are proud of me. But sometimes, it just leaves a small sting that I cannot shake.

             On long, arduous days that seem to drag on and on, there is a saying that helps me keep looking up. “Believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create the fact.” ~William James. If I constantly look down and all I see is the dirt, I will never see the bright blue sky. I am not saying that some days, I am not a wreck and simply want to go back to bed. I am saying that in order for things to get better, one must want them to get better. Nothing comes for free. If I need something, all I need do is ask. It might not come today, or tomorrow, but at the perfect moment, it will happen. I prayed for a Mustang in the year of 2004, but I could not have handled Blue and Clay at the age of eight. Four years later to the day, I got so much more than I could have ever asked for. I will be forever grateful for these angels that saved me. That is who I am. I am not the girl who saves a bunch of rescue horses, I am the girl who’s rescue horses saved her.